Storms Brewing

Sorry in advance for the potential rambling...And the run-ons, if you have read my profile then you have already been warned.

When I was younger, my sisters and I would lay out on the grass and watch the storm clouds-dark, swirly, angry-and count the seconds between lightning strikes and thunder claps to guess how far away the lightning was.

I still love a good storm, especially if there are strong winds involved. Everyone says storms bring change with them. But I feel like the recent change in my life is bringing the storms.

My husband and I thought that this move would be the best thing for our family, but we're almost two months into our new life and he is overstressed, I am overstressed, he is lonely, I am homesick. I keep warning everyone how much my husband doesn't like that he is stressed here. If we end up moving back the blame will fall on him, regardless of whether it is rightfully placed. The guilt of this fact, added to the stress and loneliness, weighs on me constantly. While I am at work I completely enjoy myself-I love working with my cousin (my boss)-and I am grateful for the opportunity we were given with the transfer. Outside of work though, I am not always so happy. I know there is always an adjustment period, I just hope it only lasts a short while longer.

There are so many things up in the air--every decision brings its own storm with it...To stay, something has to change for my husband and our stress situation--that alone is a storm to battle. To leave, a dozen storms will result! Just thinking about the fallout makes me anxious and depressed.

So instead of laying out and enjoying this storm, I'm trying to lock myself someplace safe where I don't have to think about it. It's not working well for me so far.